Lousy

I have cried for my selfishness, I have cried for my uncapability, and I have cried for being useless.
But I never really admit that I have a lousy attitude, a lousy emotion and being a lousy person.
There's a lot of regrets in my life and a lot of missed targets.

What have I done? I have done terrible things that hurt someone that I love. My parents, my friends, my love. None of them deserved to be treated that badly by me.
So what am I doing in this world that is created and destoryed by my own selfishness? Is it to bring happiness or suffering to others? I start to feel that my life ain't worth much compare to what Jesus did. He does value our life, but do I?

I wonder, if my life ended, what would people remember me as? A person that never hold on to promises? A person who always make others frustrated? A person who never been sensitive to others? A person lack of discipline and humility?

Looking at what she writes, I really really have to take myself seriously in things that I have done. Have I think about the consequences of decision that I make?

A new semester have started, but my life still continues with no improvement and changes that makes me a disciples of Jesus. Haiz, lousy me.