Monday, March 09, 2009


I was once a loving person but now I start to wonder into the darkness.
I asked myself, what makes it so?
Heart broken, directionless, the harden of my heart or the sin that I used to justify my weaknessess...

I was a person who cares, but now I'm selfish and insensitive.
I asked myself again, what makes it so?
Poverty, untrustworthy,  or my own harden heart that prevents me from moving on...

Who cares whether I'm a good or a bad person?
Only God cares.

So do I need to care about what others have to think of me?
Yes I do, because our purpose of life always include people around us who think, critisize, challenge, praise and work with me. God created them not because of me, but because of God. They are the kingdom of God in earth and in heaven. Without them, our purpose of life doesn't seem to "click" with God's purpose for us.

A lot of times, my depression was caused by people and myself. It was never something non-human . Is there a meaning to this chronic depression of mine? What does it means to have a thought that really triggers my thought? Does it means like what Job's friend said when they trying to give advice to Job, too many things happen for a reason?

But one thing for sure, God used our weaknessess to tell us something. Something that is important, or I would say, something that really mean strength to us. That is where we withdraw strength from God himself, by looking at our weaknesses and thanks God for telling us, and provide a way out so that we can stand up under it (1 Corinthians 10:13).

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