Nightmare

  It has been a long time before I have a nightmare. This time, it is really frightening because it was real and related to something that I'm facing. It was about me and my parents. The nightmare freaks me out because this fear of mine have been a drawback for my confident and life in doing decisions. I only realise that it was so important and threatening to my thoughts that I would fear it happen again.
  Fear of being rejected and not recognised by my parents. Fear of being the useless member of the family. Fear of everything from my parents. Dropping expectation of my community and my family. Those are stopping me from breaking down my barriers that is stopping me from open up myself to others and God. The real issues is not on the fear but me myself putting down my pride and barrier. I wouldn't say that the problems lies at my parents but rather, the problems lies on my confession of my sin and surrender and submit myself to God.
  So what is the issue with surrendering myself to God. Denying myself and carrying our cross daily and follow Christ. IT is an issue for my christian living and also my growth in Christ. All this nightmare happen for a reason and I believe it has a purpose in my growth and maturity as a christian.
  What's wrong with this surrendering and submitting myself to God gonna do with my nightmare?
  Does it have to do with my decision that I gonna make for my studies and my addiction & idol & idleness?
  I do think that I have the asnwer. The answer to my surrendering and submission to God. Obedience that I need to follow to GROW in Christ. I really pray that God and me will work out something and I not merely listen to it but follow it.

Putting Christ First
Matthew 6:33
Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.