Monday, September 13, 2010

Life Changed

I was wondering in the cyber cafe looking for something to read or watch, and I realise that my blog have not been update for almost a year....

A lot of things have changed since a year ago. I drop out from Uni, I started to work, I experience a whole new world by myself. I met people, I like someone, I done things I never done before and I almost killed myself with depression again.

Now, my life is fill with a lot of things that I don't even know whether I should embrace it. I just put my faith in God and just take any opportunity that God will give me in my life. Grab it as soon as I see it. Listen closely to His Voice, and practice and walk with the Word.

Still, sometimes, I think I'm avoiding God in a way. Not attending bible study, not reading the bible, not growing in faith and not preparing myself for Him in the heaven. A year have past, Kai Xin is back from Industrial Training. A lot of friends have been starting to pursue their dreams. People growing up and changed.

Still, sometimes, I still wonder on the past and things that have happen. What do I have now? I have enough money to survive, to pay my debts, to grab my dreams nearer to myself and learn about the model of a business. Financially able to support myself and others.

Still, sometimes, I think there's something missing in my life. God still there? Yes he is. He is always looking at me when I'm down and need some help. He is always giving me courage when I need to show my weakness to others. He is always there when I'm alone, reminding me about things that I shouldn't be doing and comforting me about my loneliness and depressive thoughts.

In the end, I realise that this one year that I have gone through, I'm glad to say that, I have receive a lot more than I deserve to get from God. He gave me a job, a place to stay, a group of friends that never give up on me, someone, and confidence that I have never had before. The confidence to stay alive, the joy to learn and the passion to teach and grow.

Even though late in the night, I still sense that the darkness is drawing me closer to them. The darkness that once took me away, and the darkness which brought the light to me. I'm still strong with God in me, though sometimes doubtful about it. Thank God for everything and every detail that you painted in my life. Thank you for lending me your son to me. I think I might need to find a way to return it back to you. Amen.

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