Changes of Me @ Ling Lee

Up until today, my heart was filled with fear of the changes to come. What kind of person do I want to be? What means the most to me? How do I want my life to be? How will I be truly happy? I went for a walk yesterday, and I was at peace. The sky was so blue, the wind so gentle~ My mind was empty, my heart was calm. I’ve made my decision, my dreams are clear, and from this moment on, I’m chasing them.

To my family,
Ah Lung, you’re my only brother, my life will be with a lot less smiles and laughter without you. Mii, I can’t count all the arguments and disagreements we have had, but I know you only mean well for me. Pa, I know you’ve always tried to protect me from the world and mistakes. All you’ve done means much to me, now...it’s time to let me walk through life, fall, and make my own mistakes. Knowing all of you will be there for me when I get up again is more than enough.

To my friends who care for me, and I for them,
I remember the experiences I shared with each of you, and they will forever be a part of me. Some of you have gone away, for different reasons. Near or far, I hope we can continue to count on each other. Everyone’s going through different things right now, but I’ll always be there to help if anyone needs me. Please wait patiently for my 1st OR 2nd pay, I’ll belanja you guys one by one :)

To the one I love,
You know me best, because I share my heart with you. The moments with you...are always my happiest. You’ve done as much as you can for me, your love helps me grow stronger. With you...I can be myself, I can be weak, I can show you my true heart and soul. Every word you’ve said to me, I listened and tried to understand.
Forgive me for all the things I’ve said and done that hurt you, forgive me for pushing you away. You deserve my trust & my faith. Doubting you, means I doubt myself. To make things better, I know I have to become more mature, positive, independent. I have to be myself & grow into the person I want to be.

To me,
Keep things simple~
Be brave and don’t be scared of changes, you can make them changes for the better~
Change, but always stay true to yourself~
Treat everyone you love as well as you can~
When you’re emotional, stop, take a deep breath, and keep calm~
Make your decisions for the right reasons, and after considering all the choices and consequences of those choices~
Be positive~
Love like you’ve never been hurt before~
Don’t settle for a safe life because you’re scared of trying & failing, Reach for your Dreams~
Experience everything that life has to offer~
Learn from your failures but, try everything FRESH like you’ve never failed before~
Most of all, don’t hold yourself back~
Live your life with no regrets, cause you only have one life~

Life Changed

I was wondering in the cyber cafe looking for something to read or watch, and I realise that my blog have not been update for almost a year....

A lot of things have changed since a year ago. I drop out from Uni, I started to work, I experience a whole new world by myself. I met people, I like someone, I done things I never done before and I almost killed myself with depression again.

Now, my life is fill with a lot of things that I don't even know whether I should embrace it. I just put my faith in God and just take any opportunity that God will give me in my life. Grab it as soon as I see it. Listen closely to His Voice, and practice and walk with the Word.

Still, sometimes, I think I'm avoiding God in a way. Not attending bible study, not reading the bible, not growing in faith and not preparing myself for Him in the heaven. A year have past, Kai Xin is back from Industrial Training. A lot of friends have been starting to pursue their dreams. People growing up and changed.

Still, sometimes, I still wonder on the past and things that have happen. What do I have now? I have enough money to survive, to pay my debts, to grab my dreams nearer to myself and learn about the model of a business. Financially able to support myself and others.

Still, sometimes, I think there's something missing in my life. God still there? Yes he is. He is always looking at me when I'm down and need some help. He is always giving me courage when I need to show my weakness to others. He is always there when I'm alone, reminding me about things that I shouldn't be doing and comforting me about my loneliness and depressive thoughts.

In the end, I realise that this one year that I have gone through, I'm glad to say that, I have receive a lot more than I deserve to get from God. He gave me a job, a place to stay, a group of friends that never give up on me, someone, and confidence that I have never had before. The confidence to stay alive, the joy to learn and the passion to teach and grow.

Even though late in the night, I still sense that the darkness is drawing me closer to them. The darkness that once took me away, and the darkness which brought the light to me. I'm still strong with God in me, though sometimes doubtful about it. Thank God for everything and every detail that you painted in my life. Thank you for lending me your son to me. I think I might need to find a way to return it back to you. Amen.

Nightmare

  It has been a long time before I have a nightmare. This time, it is really frightening because it was real and related to something that I'm facing. It was about me and my parents. The nightmare freaks me out because this fear of mine have been a drawback for my confident and life in doing decisions. I only realise that it was so important and threatening to my thoughts that I would fear it happen again.
  Fear of being rejected and not recognised by my parents. Fear of being the useless member of the family. Fear of everything from my parents. Dropping expectation of my community and my family. Those are stopping me from breaking down my barriers that is stopping me from open up myself to others and God. The real issues is not on the fear but me myself putting down my pride and barrier. I wouldn't say that the problems lies at my parents but rather, the problems lies on my confession of my sin and surrender and submit myself to God.
  So what is the issue with surrendering myself to God. Denying myself and carrying our cross daily and follow Christ. IT is an issue for my christian living and also my growth in Christ. All this nightmare happen for a reason and I believe it has a purpose in my growth and maturity as a christian.
  What's wrong with this surrendering and submitting myself to God gonna do with my nightmare?
  Does it have to do with my decision that I gonna make for my studies and my addiction & idol & idleness?
  I do think that I have the asnwer. The answer to my surrendering and submission to God. Obedience that I need to follow to GROW in Christ. I really pray that God and me will work out something and I not merely listen to it but follow it.

Putting Christ First
Matthew 6:33
Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.

Courtesy of nakedpastor 

What have I dropped???

Unity

“May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
(Romans 15:5-6)

One heart and mouth is sometimes a struggle for me myself.

Hot Hot Hot

The hot weather in my place is really killing a lot of people who is sick and having exams. This hot weather force me to think about global warming and the effects of human civilization done to the earth. Again, it also reminds me about why God wanted to separate people to reach to Him in Babylon. All because of the selfish pride of human trying to move towards the world of evil desires to become Him.

Even though I might be seem as an extremist in disguise, but this speaks my heart out. Ain't we here to protect God's garden of eden and the creature that lives in this earth? Ain't we people that would be sent back to heaven which I think earth itself is a shadow of heaven?

Oh well, all my concern now is about my great grandma, my friends and people whom I think is in need of help. But how about the Earth that God created?

This climate changes doesn't only affects the Earth in terms of temperature but also in other areas such as starvation, war, economic crisis, psychology illness and etc. I started to realise that Global Warming is not only affecting the temperature on the newspaper today. The war is crying out loud now in almost everywhere. Piracy (Pirates), Rebellions and also political changes that is taking over the newspaper seems to be getting more and more. Starvation and lack of food is also another issues that the world is facing now. More and more crimes is getting in our daily lifes. So what can us as a Christian do to help the world?


What will Jesus Christ do as a human in earth?
What's God purpose for human in this earth?
Does earth only meant to be exploited by us as much as we can and eventually death comes to our way?
Too many things is going on either we aware about it or not...
People are struggling on the issues they are facing now....
Will they look at the bigger picture of the issues?
Will they know what's the truth behind all this things that is going on?

I watch watchmen the graphical comic from Jacob. Depressing indeed but it's true. The life of human is getting wicked by days. Not because I saw it but because me myself is getting wicked days by days. God ask us to deny ourselves and carry the cross and our daily worries with Him. I'm sure that it includes our evil thoughts and behaviours.

Well, I have a few ideas.
1. Getting ourself equipped with God's word to prevent any spiritual changes that will affect our heart towards God.
2. Read the newspaper to update ourself with the problems that the world and our community is facing.
3. Take actions that will really benefit the issues and tackle it in anyways you can. For example, as a student, I might not have a lot of money but what I have is time, strength and countless passion that can be pour out to serve the God's creation well.
4. Pray and let God lead us in making any of the decisions that need a balance between 2 choices.
5. Tell others and share about this issue, and who knows, more people will have same faith as you. They might walk with you in this journey.
6. Know our capabilities in dealing with all this issues. If we are only capabilites of donating our money, just do it and pray to God so that He bless us with what we should do.

All this applies to every situation or issues that we are facing. All we need to do is to admit that we are weak, pray for forgiveness of incapibility and ask for help from God.

John 16:24
Assurance of Answered Prayer.

Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive and your joy will be complete. A strong word to start for a prayer.

God I also pray that churches are meant to be a place for us to grow but not to hinder us from you. I also pray that CS, L, A, C will be able to know the true purpose of having a church in our body, soul, spirit and mind. Amen.

Unusual Experience

I couldn't imagine that I would cry for my friend who is getting further and further from God. It was an unusual act of emotional expression. Erm, maybe it is just trying to tell God that I wish something better could happen. It might seems to be  the right choice to choose, but  we  know that  things will be different when God is not  put  first in our life.

The experience that me and others tell me that life is really meaningless without God. Even though you might be picking the right path that the world of desires prefer, but you yourself too knows that it is not completed in holiness and righteous. I always challenge myself by questioning whether God was put first before anything else? Or it is just my own desire or dreams that I put first before God?

Matthew 6:33

Do Not Worry

 ²⁵"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life^[b]?
²⁸"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I pray that God, You will provide wisdom and strength to C and L who is struggling to follow you. God I need you in their life. Being able to touch them deep in their heart. Protect them from temptation and the suffering from life itself. God provide them with the promises that you gave to people who believe in you. I also pray that I can more sensitive to people around me especially my friends in Christ which includes friends who is seeking for Christ. God I also pray that prayers itself is sufficient that it gives me peace but God I also pray that my Life would be filled with your Godly peace. Peace that lead me and people around me to You. Life itself take the course, with God guiding us. Amen

Working

Blogging from office since there's no work given to me yet.
I'm currently working Pengunnding Ukur Tekun (PUT) http://www.put.com.my/ . I'm working as a technical drafter for a sub Project. My job is to use a software that can transform 2D pictures to 3D image. By doing this, I can actually accurately calculate the distance from a point to a point in the picture without measuring it. It's a field that is quite new in Malaysia, a technology we called Digital Photogrammetry.

The technology enable us to use only pictures to capture the 3D moment of a scene. It has been use in insurance claims for accident to calculate the damage of the car, car manufacturer to check for imperfection of car's body and also used in big stracture to estimate check for small cracks. Besides that, it can also be used as a device to copy a model using photos. For example, using only 3 pictures from different angle, I can make a 3D object of a branded model of car and reproduce the exactly same car in that software. Imagine the usefulness of this software.

So, I do hope others can implement this technology in their projects. It helps to reduce the risk and the cost of doing certain measurements. Anyway, I can't name the software and the project I'm doing, cause it's a P & C information of the company. Hola, back to work.

Gambling

I went to Genting and had gambled. Temptation and excitement was there. But would it be an issue just to start tasting what is gambling?

Check this web and i realise, it might be an issue.

Is Gambling A Sin?

"Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything.
1 Corinthians 6:12

Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
2 Timothy 2:22

Avoid every kind of evil.
1 Thessalonians 5:22

So, is it an issue? You make the conclusion. :D

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I was once a loving person but now I start to wonder into the darkness.
I asked myself, what makes it so?
Heart broken, directionless, the harden of my heart or the sin that I used to justify my weaknessess...

I was a person who cares, but now I'm selfish and insensitive.
I asked myself again, what makes it so?
Poverty, untrustworthy,  or my own harden heart that prevents me from moving on...

Who cares whether I'm a good or a bad person?
Only God cares.

So do I need to care about what others have to think of me?
Yes I do, because our purpose of life always include people around us who think, critisize, challenge, praise and work with me. God created them not because of me, but because of God. They are the kingdom of God in earth and in heaven. Without them, our purpose of life doesn't seem to "click" with God's purpose for us.

A lot of times, my depression was caused by people and myself. It was never something non-human . Is there a meaning to this chronic depression of mine? What does it means to have a thought that really triggers my thought? Does it means like what Job's friend said when they trying to give advice to Job, too many things happen for a reason?

But one thing for sure, God used our weaknessess to tell us something. Something that is important, or I would say, something that really mean strength to us. That is where we withdraw strength from God himself, by looking at our weaknesses and thanks God for telling us, and provide a way out so that we can stand up under it (1 Corinthians 10:13).

My Daylight Robbery in 61 (Petaling Jaya)

It was an exciting moment of thrill and adrenaline rush throughout my body. I feel a lot alive compare to the few days before. I felt the basic instinct of surviving, I felt I was alive.

It happen a few hours ago...
(Well, before I tell you the story, let's have a glimpse at what happen long long time ago... this post : The Day I was Afraid)

All this happen around 1pm, 17 Feb 2009, yeah it is today...

   Lance was back from paying the bills, waiting for me downstairs. I was making myself ready at the 2nd floor to tapau all my rubbish to move to his house. Then suddenly, I heard some people coming in our house, I realise something is going wrong and run down and saw 2 malay guys wearing helmet asking, "Mana XXX? Dia tinggal sini, panggil dia." The moment I heard this, I sense that something is wrong, so I stop one of the big guy from going up to the 2nd floor. He was wearing a blue jeans,white collar shirt and a silver helmet. The moment I try to stop him from moving, he took his "parang" out.

   You know la, when psychotic people like me saw a parang, sure I will run back to my room. I locked myself in my room and started shouting "Tolong!". I don't know why I shout in malay, maybe because they were Malays???  Straight after I shout, the door was break and the "parang" is in front of me. I dunno why, but he ran down back to where Lance is.

   At that moment, my mind only focus on running. So where's the best place to run? Definitely the balcony, which I will jump if they try to hurt me. So I quickly take the keys hanging beside me and open the balcony's door and stay outside the fence of the balcony (I forgot to lock it, damn.) . I took off my shirt and wave to anyone that I saw. Only my neighbour reponse to my help, other people was just passing by. ( What a sad scenario...) I use my body language and movement of my lips to tell her that I was robbed. She ask her maid to call the police.

   Right after that, the big guy come and look for me. Shit, the "parang" still in his hand. I know I have to surrender. So I let him search my pockets, and luckily I hide my stuff under my bed but unfortunately, my phone is in my pocket T_T. He took my phone and run down to the living room. I don't know what they are doing there, but a moment later, I saw a bike with 2 person on it, speeding out from our house.

   That was the time when my rational mind come back to me, I ran down and grab the phone that the neighbour hand it to me and contact the police.

Description of the Suspect :
First Suspect - Around 30 year old Malay male, 175cm, Bigger size than me. wearing blue jeans ,white collar shirt and wearing silver helmet when they robbed us.
Second Suspect - Malay male with unclear age. He was wearing orange chocolate stripes shirt.
Both Suspect was suspect to take drugs before they rob us.
They was riding on a bike with plate WBQ 8841.

The ronda police came 5mins after the event took place. I'm glad the police did their job. Those are not normal police, they are armed police. I feel like I'm in a police movie. Anyway, we did our job by reporting to the new section 17 Police Department near the nasi kandar there. ( Reminder: We must always make a report no matter how inconvinience it is to do those report.) We were ask to go to the cirminal police departmeent at mutiara damansara to be interviewed by Inspector Kalang. Handsome man with a good manner. It was a total different experience from what I had in Rawang. The police in Rawang was rude! We finish our questioning and we heard back for home. The police was there to take photos and look at the surrounding. One weird part of it was, why are they asking me about the price of the rental and house??? The 1st police until the last police ask the same question.


The end of my story and my experience.

Please remember this number plate WBQ 8841 and take a photo of the driver and mail it to me. Please, your cooperation will definitely improve PJ's calm and peaceful environment :D.

After the robbery, lance and me discussed on the factors that cause this robbery.
1.  We didn't LOCK our DOORS!
2.  NO CURTAINS blocking their view inside the house
3.  They realize we are moving house. Rubbish all outside the house.
4.  Lastly, it was lance 1st time, he is still a virgin. :D He was robbed of his virginity and dignity in surprise :D.

Viewing from a psychological aspect, there is a few factors that save and delay us from harm.
1.  The moment we sense danger, seek for safety and help. An example for my experience is that I run upstairs and lock myself in the room. While in the room, I shout as loud as I can for help. That anyhow, alert the dogs and my neighbour.
2.  Seek for open space or places that normally public can see. Well, I think I did that pretty well. I ran to the balcony and wave my shirt for help again. And that was a critical move, it cause the robber to hesistate stabbing me in open air. It was also the time where my neighbour saw me. A mistake is that I didn't lock the balcony door. Ish!
3.  Our house is too messy to really find anything valuable. HAHA, I have to say, making ourselves a mess actually helps.:D
4.  Hide your belongings in places that is totally unpredictable. I hide it under my bed.

There's always something disspointing in tragedy like this, here's one.
   Never ever just stop and ignore shouts that come out suddenly. Those are critical moments where crime was happening. Don't be idle, be alert and look for the source. You might actually save a life from being curious and brave. That's what nowadays people lack of, being curious.
   Another thing is that people seems to critize on the event that is happening and ignore the feelings and emotion of the victim. Those people are people I call them 马后炮. They only help to make you more troublesome and making you feeling down after what had happen. I pity lance, cause he gonna go through that later tonight.




A bit of information.

----

A forwarded email.

Subject: Rise In Crime Rate In Klang Valley
 Date: Wed, 25 Jun 2003


Dear Ladies & Gentlemen


Key this number into your handphones! Please be careful!
Some good advises for the prevention of crime.
The telephone number 03-22626555 is to Bukit Aman!
Hotline Wilayah Police: 03-20520199


It was brought to our attention by the city police that
there has been a 7% rise in crime rate in Klang Valley (Kuala
Lumpur) over the weeks.

These crimes are mainly Bag Snatching, House Break-Ins, Car Thefts
and etc. By far Bag Snatching has been the one with the biggest
increase and police is advising especially ladies to avoid walking
about with hand bags if possible.

During the meeting it was also brought to our attention that the
emergency number 999 is at times not well manned so calls can go
unanswered. This happened recently when the German Ambassador tried
calling 999 when his house was broken into and could not reach
police
in time to avoid the robbery. Police now have a control centre
telephone number and everyone should be able to call in case of
emergency. The number is 03 2262 6555. Please keep this number handy
and educate your family members on this.

Please find below some tip on Bag Snatching.

Bag snatching.
Never carry a handbag, but instead try a backpack style worn
correctly or a 'bum bag'. Do not carry anything in your bag you
cannot afford to lose. Be particularly mindful of your bag when you
are on your hand phone, loading the car, getting in and out of a
taxi
in a crowded area or if motorbikes are coming past you. To help
prevent snatch thieves taking your phone, switch it to vibrate, keep
it in your pocket and use a hands free set while walking ? If they
can't see or hear it, its less likely to attract attention. Walk
away
from the kerb edge, not along the side of the road.

 Mugging.
Be suspicious if you get a puncture after leaving a bank or ATM. It
is possible that someone saw you withdraw the cash and placed the
nail in your tyre so they could grab it as they offer to help you
 change your wheel. Be suspicious of people offering to help you into
 your car with shopping etc. It's easy for them to snatch a bag when
you are occupied with kids or bags.


Sexual assaults/Improper advances.
With an assault, scream, shout, fight, run? Do whatever is.
Necessary to attract attention to yourself and get out of the area
 fast. It goes without saying that most attacks of this type tend to
happen in isolated, dark or empty places ? Avoid such places if
alone
and make sure that you have your hand phone available ? If you are
unhappy, start making calls, describing the man/ the taxi driver,
registration number, location, anything that will put the attacker
off before hand. With improper advances; most offences of this type
tend to happen in public, and in crowded places; particularly on
buses and in trains. The best way to deal with this is SHOUT,
directly at the offender or in his general direction and tell him,
in
no uncertain terms that you do NOT want him to touch you. Don't get
off at the next station, unless its your stop and there's people
with
you. If its in the workplace? Report it immediately.


Emergency Numbers

Police & Ambulance 999
Fire Brigade 994
Civil Defense 991

Police Stations
Kuala Lumpur - HQ 2262-6222
Selangor 5510-5522
Shah Alam 5510-2222
Petaling Jaya 7956-2222
Subang Jaya 5633-2222
KLIA Police 8787-2222
Dang Wangi 2691-2222
Brickfields 2274-4465
Cheras 984-2222
Ampang 4252-2222
Klang 3371-2222
Damansara 7722-2222
Puchong 8075-2222
Subang SAAS Airport Police 740-2299

Fire Brigade
Kuala Lumpur 2148-6362
Petaling Jaya 7958-5870, 7958-4444
Shah Alam 5519-4444
Traffic Offence Hotline 232-1140

Taken from Palmdoc's page of useful Malaysian info for your PDA
http://medicine.com.my/palmdoc


Phew, things go so fast that I almost forget, I still need to clean up my house! Yeah I'm finally back to myself. Dang, I didn't know an event like this actually pump my motivation to do something. :D

Job's Story

A Story of Grace Through Faith

Book of Job

The Lord said to Job, “Would you discredit my justice? Would you condemn me to justify yourself?” -Job 40:8

The Bible Thru The Eyes Of Its Writers:
Job's Story : Part 1
Job's Story : Part 2 , Job 3-14
Job's Story : Part 3 , Job 15-19
Job's Story : Part 4 , Job 20-36
Job's Story : Part 5 , Job 37-42
Job’s Story : Conclusion, Job 37-42

Have i justified myself for my own suffering of my own actions and sins?

Random

Have you ever wonder what it feels like, when the world around you turn against you?

Home

To me, home was a place of death and comfort.

Changes

Titus 3:3-7

3At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another.  
4But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared,  
5he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit,  
6whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior,  
7so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.

At one time, I were a fool.
At one time, I was stubborn.
At one time, I was deceived.
At one time, I were a slave.
Am I still what I am at one time? Ask me and I would say, yes and no.
Yes, because I still think I am, with the sin I have.
No, because I think I have changed for whom I am.

Things happen and times zoom through our life, then only we realise that , we are fools, stubborn, rebellious, naive and stupid enough to not realise the weaknesses that we have.

Once, we are a weak person, saved by God himself.
Now, we are still a weak and sinful person, but with God's grace, we were saved.

Sometimes I ask myself, do I listen to what God want to say to me?
Or I just choose to harden my heart and close my ears...
No matter how old I am, changes is always there. Whether is it a change for God or a change for our own desires, that will determine our life. A life with God and a life by God.

Confusing

aha, confusing.

Wealth

One day, you wake up and found that your fridge is full of Yakult, how would you react?
That was what happen in my fridge when I open it.
My first reaction would be OMG, and then ask who put this in for us.

Our life itself is like a fridge. Everyday, there's events that come in and out. There's food that need to be finish. There's also cans that will last forever long.

The content of the fridge itself will also show the lifestyle of a person. Are you a vegetarian? Conscious about your health? Junkie ? or just a normal house wife.

Well my fridge is still stuff with something else.

Brick Walls

"Brick Walls are there for a reason:
   They let us prove how badly we want things;
   Let us show our dedication.

"By standing together, the world is good. "


(Professor Randy Pausch, Sept. 18, 2007)

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What can I do to help someone there is far away?
How did my parents manage to stay together even after they are apart all the time?

Thanks God for blessing my family.

Untitled

I miss her